A Heart Of Gold Is Hard To Find

by Benjamin Tod

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1.
I’ve been thinking bout the highway again I know you’re dreaming bout that blue flowered dress but you know we can’t afford things like that not quite yet don’t hold your breath chorus: I’m sorry for the things I said when I was drunk I didn’t mean it then I hope you lied when you whispered goodbye through teary eyes Fighting off my demons but they’re not quite dead with a single barrelled shotgun and Johnny Walker red but when the bottle is empty oh the gun’s to my head and I regret every step Chorus I’ve been flipping through the sketches you drew some of them are shining and some of them are blue because one day I’m a sweetheart and the next I’m a brute and you're so confused whats the use Chorus
2.
people say I look like my grandfather I begin to explain we ain’t even kin he’ll interrupt with why bother and saunter away with a sideways grin we both understand not giving a damn about feeling and why in the hell try and tell folks what you are living Chorus: life is defined by decisions you may burn bridges you ain’t got time to mend you’re too old to be in this condition you’re too young for the lord to take in he’d read me the bible ‘til midnight and he’d tan my hide when he caught me in lies when I dropped out of school we did fight and we lost some years in our foolish pride now i’m not sure if i’m better or worse for the distance but we’re not concerned cause there’s nothing to learn from resentment Chorus he cheers with the television hoping this year Kentucky will win I give a yell from the kitchen I wear it with pride that i’m close to him I count the days and watch as the haze fills his eyes I won’t complain it’s a privilege to live and die Chorus
3.
Long Gone 03:21
you don’t want none lady of what i’ve got to share i’ve got flesh between my teeth from living in a snare the more I bite and struggle oh the less i’d like to care that I once held a virtue with green eyes and auburn hair x2 Chorus: I’m long, long gone ain’t a maiden here or yonder ever need this kind of love Ain’t a maiden here or yonder ever need my kind of love you don’t want none lady take it from me the charm that I give you is anything but free it will cost you years and many tears and it ain’t yours to keep I poison everything I touch like nothing else that breaths x2 Chorus you don’t want none lady I can’t be your man I live deep in a holler between the holy and the damned and the only thing that keeps the peace are the voices in my head lord I pray that someday I find the time to wed x2 Chorus
4.
Glory Bound 04:25
hey old friend I found your picture today have you been shaped by your shackles now we swore we would change this ugly world when we were still pure as summer rain and now i’m unsure of anything we may never be anything more than what we’ve endured through tragedy I have come to terms writing these songs and righting my wrongs with those i’ve hurt it may take a lifetime for all it’s worth you live in the past but yesterday’s gone and destiny calls will you come at last we don’t talk much now not much to say but I still hold faith anyhow cause i’ve seen the road before you is glory bound x2
5.
O'Dea 02:36
your chest is caving in feels like all your sadness has burrowed deep in your lungs and you're standing bent like a willow and a friend once said that I’ll always see you tomorrow but tomorrow's gone and we’re face to face in the snow Chorus: O’dea hee why does everybody I know die O’dea hee when your feeling lonesome so am I Odea hee I will bid you farewell if you oblige but I will never say goodbye i’ll se you on down the line I look in your eyes and I begin to see through that burning flame that binds the darkness inside you and I see myself and the darkness swallowed by a sea of blue then you turn your head and your face meets someone new Chorus
6.
Widow Queen 03:38
you’re the belle of a man who fell I’ll love all my life take this cane and ease your pain for it’s not you who died When you learn the tears you burn are all the fuel for fire you will be the widow queen on a funeral pyre Chorus: where have all the good times gone lost behind a setting sun you must crawl out from beneath the shrine you built to worship grief if you don’t change your broken reigns you ain’t fit to ride the journey's long when weather calms you’ll need them to guide now you wave a broken blade to prove how much you’ve tried to amputate the things you hate you keep locked inside Chorus I can see your blue eyes gleam every time you try I’ll only lend my battered hand 10,000 more times
7.
bloodstains on my collar powders on my dollars a filthy haze and something strange stuck beneath my skin I miss the past and your sweet laugh ringing from the holler but what a waste to dream and chase for we are cannon fodder Chorus: oh how we all pretend although we know not a soul will be there in the end it’s funny how a bottle feels closer than a friend never holds back always gives in who you are now is a warm and distant feeling keeps my ears ringing like a gunshot on the porch in our prime we both may find something to believe in but it’s curing time and my last dime’s gonna put me through the ceiling Chorus
8.
darling since you’ve been gone I can’t get back to where I belong the world still spins clocks still tick and folks carry on I’ve been sleeping alone in this hotel casket home me and the drunks and the fiends and the whores all awake ‘til dawn Chorus: so believe me when I say I miss your love like desert rain you are a cloud i’m a saguaro’s flower i’m thirsty as hell let your love down my mind is in decay the darker it gets the more I crave any relief that gets me to sleep outside of a grave the visions in my head spin like a carousel of death since you’ve been gone these worthless songs are all i’ve got left Chorus
9.
all the cotton fields are empty and all the coal mines have shut down and all you’ve seen of the lives in between I’d say you know pain now Chorus: Grandee there’s no need to worry you know this world’s already dead and buried and i’m letting go cause I simply can’t hold any more than I can carry Your brown eyes they tell me stories of lives you’ve lost and lives you’ve gained I’ll use them to see when my feet carry me through hell and the darkest valley Chorus beauty will die when you leave I won’t have a single soul to sooth me all angels need a family to lead past demons to the land of holy Chorus
10.
giving up on finding peace gave me strength to live in grief there’s poison in the tongues that sing this world owes you anything x2 Chorus: you can’t buy love or loyalty these you earn by honest deed life is cruel and death is kind and a heart of gold is hard to find x2 few in line were meant to lead fools will follow hearts that bleed no one else will make your mind and save your neck from killing time x2 Chorus it’s black and white and in the mine it’s the sunset in the sky it’s inside of you and I the truth is bound inside the lie x2 Chorus

about

This album was recorded with a 1956 guild F-20 and my fading
vocal chords in the spring of 2019 with my good friend and business partner Dan Emery from Black Matter Mastering in Nashville. This is the first album I have ever recorded completely sober dating back to my first when I was 14 years old. Every song on this album is for someone. Obviously, a couple are for my wife Ashley. The rest go to some family, some friends and some people I no longer speak with. I have written thousands of songs in my lifetime and a good portion of them are either dedicated to someone or had someone heavy on my heart in the process. Some of these songs I wrote weeks before I recorded this album and some of them I wrote a decade ago. I thought it was important to release an album unique to me and universal at the same time. We all have dialogues with people in our lives the way these songs unravel. yet, these are my personal imaginary conversations. It was very cathartic recording this album and I hope it inspires you to say the things you’ve always wanted to say to the people you love. The truth will set you free.

This album is dedicated to the living. This is all we have. Cherish it and sacrifice everything to become the person you wish to be. No matter who you blame, you are the only person you have to live with. Fight like hell for freedom.

credits

released November 22, 2019

Benjamin Tod - Guitar, Vocals
Dan Emery - Recording, Post Production
Cud Eastbound - Art Layout
Bradley Methe - Cover Photograph

©/℗ Benjamin Tod Music ASCAP 2019

www.benjamintodmusic.com

Physical CDs and LPs available from Anti-Corp Label
www.anticorporatemusic.com

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Benjamin Tod Kentucky

Benjamin Tod is a songwriter born in Sumner County, Tennessee. His songwriting pulls from over a decade worshiping the road and the bottle.

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