A Heart Of Gold Is Hard To Find

by Benjamin Tod

  • Streaming + Download

    Includes unlimited streaming via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality download in MP3, FLAC and more.
    Purchasable with gift card

      $15 USD  or more




This album was recorded with a 1956 guild F-20 and my fading
vocal chords in the spring of 2019 with my good friend and business partner Dan Emery from Black Matter Mastering in Nashville. This is the first album I have ever recorded completely sober dating back to my first when I was 14 years old. Every song on this album is for someone. Obviously, a couple are for my wife Ashley. The rest go to some family, some friends and some people I no longer speak with. I have written thousands of songs in my lifetime and a good portion of them are either dedicated to someone or had someone heavy on my heart in the process. Some of these songs I wrote weeks before I recorded this album and some of them I wrote a decade ago. I thought it was important to release an album unique to me and universal at the same time. We all have dialogues with people in our lives the way these songs unravel. yet, these are my personal imaginary conversations. It was very cathartic recording this album and I hope it inspires you to say the things you’ve always wanted to say to the people you love. The truth will set you free.

This album is dedicated to the living. This is all we have. Cherish it and sacrifice everything to become the person you wish to be. No matter who you blame, you are the only person you have to live with. Fight like hell for freedom.


released November 22, 2019

Benjamin Tod - Guitar, Vocals
Dan Emery - Recording, Post Production
Cud Eastbound - Art Layout
Bradley Methe - Cover Photograph

©/℗ Benjamin Tod Music ASCAP 2019


Physical CDs and LPs available from Anti-Corp Label


all rights reserved



Benjamin Tod Kentucky

Benjamin Tod is a songwriter born in Sumner County, Tennessee. His songwriting pulls from over a decade worshiping the road and the bottle.

contact / help

Contact Benjamin Tod

Streaming and
Download help

Redeem code

Track Name: Sorry For The Things
I’ve been thinking bout the highway again
I know you’re dreaming bout that blue flowered dress
but you know we can’t afford things like that
not quite yet don’t hold your breath
I’m sorry for the things I said when I was drunk
I didn’t mean it then I hope you lied
when you whispered goodbye through teary eyes
Fighting off my demons but they’re not quite dead
with a single barrelled shotgun and Johnny Walker red
but when the bottle is empty oh the gun’s to my head
and I regret every step
I’ve been flipping through the sketches you drew
some of them are shining and some of them are blue
because one day I’m a sweetheart and the next I’m a brute
and you're so confused whats the use
Track Name: We Ain't Even Kin
people say I look like my grandfather
I begin to explain we ain’t even kin
he’ll interrupt with why bother
and saunter away with a sideways grin
we both understand not giving a damn about feeling
and why in the hell try and tell folks what you are living
life is defined by decisions
you may burn bridges you ain’t got time to mend
you’re too old to be in this condition
you’re too young for the lord to take in
he’d read me the bible ‘til midnight
and he’d tan my hide when he caught me in lies
when I dropped out of school we did fight
and we lost some years in our foolish pride
now i’m not sure if i’m better or worse for the
but we’re not concerned cause there’s nothing to learn from resentment
he cheers with the television
hoping this year Kentucky will win
I give a yell from the kitchen
I wear it with pride that i’m close to him
I count the days and watch as the haze fills his eyes
I won’t complain it’s a privilege to live and die
Track Name: Long Gone
you don’t want none lady of what i’ve got to share
i’ve got flesh between my teeth from living in a snare
the more I bite and struggle oh the less i’d like to care
that I once held a virtue with green eyes and auburn hair x2
I’m long, long gone
ain’t a maiden here or yonder ever need this kind of love
Ain’t a maiden here or yonder ever need my kind of love
you don’t want none lady take it from me
the charm that I give you is anything but free
it will cost you years and many tears and it ain’t yours to keep
I poison everything I touch like nothing else that breaths x2
you don’t want none lady I can’t be your man
I live deep in a holler between the holy and the damned
and the only thing that keeps the peace are the voices in my head
lord I pray that someday I find the time to wed x2
Track Name: Glory Bound
hey old friend I found your picture today
have you been shaped by your shackles now
we swore we would change this ugly world
when we were still pure as summer rain
and now i’m unsure of anything
we may never be anything more
than what we’ve endured through tragedy
I have come to terms writing these songs
and righting my wrongs with those i’ve hurt
it may take a lifetime for all it’s worth
you live in the past but yesterday’s gone
and destiny calls will you come at last
we don’t talk much now not much to say
but I still hold faith anyhow
cause i’ve seen the road before you is glory bound x2
Track Name: O'Dea
your chest is caving in feels like all your sadness has burrowed
deep in your lungs and you're standing bent like a willow
and a friend once said that I’ll always see you tomorrow
but tomorrow's gone and we’re face to face in the snow
O’dea hee why does everybody I know die
O’dea hee when your feeling lonesome so am I
Odea hee I will bid you farewell if you oblige
but I will never say goodbye i’ll se you on down the line
I look in your eyes and I begin to see through
that burning flame that binds the darkness inside you
and I see myself and the darkness swallowed by a sea of blue
then you turn your head and your face meets someone new
Track Name: Widow Queen
you’re the belle of a man who fell I’ll love all my life
take this cane and ease your pain for it’s not you who died
When you learn the tears you burn are all the fuel for fire
you will be the widow queen on a funeral pyre
where have all the good times gone
lost behind a setting sun
you must crawl out from beneath
the shrine you built to worship grief
if you don’t change your broken reigns you ain’t fit to ride
the journey's long when weather calms you’ll need them to guide
now you wave a broken blade to prove how much you’ve tried
to amputate the things you hate you keep locked inside
I can see your blue eyes gleam every time you try
I’ll only lend my battered hand 10,000 more times
Track Name: Cannon Fodder
bloodstains on my collar powders on my dollars
a filthy haze and something strange stuck beneath my skin
I miss the past and your sweet laugh ringing from the holler
but what a waste to dream and chase for we are cannon fodder
oh how we all pretend
although we know not a soul will be there in the end
it’s funny how a bottle feels closer than a friend
never holds back always gives in
who you are now is a warm and distant feeling
keeps my ears ringing like a gunshot on the porch
in our prime we both may find something to believe in
but it’s curing time and my last dime’s gonna
put me through the ceiling
Track Name: Saguaro's Flower
darling since you’ve been gone I can’t get back to where I belong
the world still spins clocks still tick and folks carry on
I’ve been sleeping alone in this hotel casket
me and the drunks and the fiends and the whores all awake ‘til dawn
so believe me when I say I miss your love like desert
you are a cloud i’m a saguaro’s flower i’m thirsty as hell
let your love down
my mind is in decay the darker it gets the more I crave
any relief that gets me to sleep outside of a grave
the visions in my head spin like a carousel of death
since you’ve been gone these worthless songs are all i’ve got left
Track Name: Any More Than I Can Carry
all the cotton fields are empty
and all the coal mines have shut down
and all you’ve seen of the lives in between
I’d say you know pain now
Grandee there’s no need to worry
you know this world’s already dead and buried
and i’m letting go cause I simply can’t hold
any more than I can carry
Your brown eyes they tell me stories
of lives you’ve lost and lives you’ve gained
I’ll use them to see when my feet carry me
through hell and the darkest valley
beauty will die when you leave
I won’t have a single soul to sooth me
all angels need a family to lead
past demons to the land of holy
Track Name: A Heart Of Gold Is Hard To Find
giving up on finding peace
gave me strength to live in grief
there’s poison in the tongues that sing
this world owes you anything x2
you can’t buy love or loyalty
these you earn by honest deed
life is cruel and death is kind
and a heart of gold is hard to find x2
few in line were meant to lead
fools will follow hearts that bleed
no one else will make your mind
and save your neck from killing time x2
it’s black and white and in the mine
it’s the sunset in the sky
it’s inside of you and I
the truth is bound inside the lie x2

If you like Benjamin Tod, you may also like: